


More Than This

by maemusicmelody



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, Mild Sexual Content, Misunderstandings, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2018-12-20 10:20:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11918838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maemusicmelody/pseuds/maemusicmelody
Summary: It's just sex. That's all it was to both of them, wasn't it? The longing kisses, the affectionate stares, the warm clinging. It didn't mean much. Not to her. She didn't feel the same way... No matter how much she wanted to tell her she loved her, she held back. She didn't want to ruin what they had. As long as she could be with her, even if it was just for a little bit, then she would be content. It's just sex.





	1. Tonight Will Be Different

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter is Ruby's perspective. The next is Kanan's.

Clothes scattered across the floor.

Warm touches heating up their skin.

Loud moans filling the empty silence.

This wasn't the first time they have done it. Not the second or the third. Not the fourth or the fifth either. By now both of them had probably lost count.

The redhead honestly couldn't remember anymore how this all started, but it didn't matter now. All she knew was she didn't want it to stop.

"R-ruby..." Her lover's husky voice breathed out sending shivers down Ruby's spine.

Ruby loved it.

"Kanan..." She would moan back, her smaller hands gripping to the bigger girl's back, pulling Kanan as close as possible to her. Her nails dug into skin, her teeth biting into her neck. She felt nothing but pleasure as their lower lips met, their wet love juices squishing together the more they moved their hips.

More. More. More.

Ruby wanted this. Kanan's desperate cries, moaning out her name the closer they got to their peak, sent butterflies fluttering in Ruby's stomach. At this moment in time, Kanan wanted her. At this moment in time, Kanan wanted no one else. At this moment in time, Kanan was hers. But it was only ever at these moments...

Ruby wrapped her arms around Kanan's neck, hands tangling themselves into messy blue locks and tugging her down. Lips pressed against the other's longingly, wanting more than just this but knowing this was all they ever would be.

All the words she wanted to tell Kanan were burried down in the back of her throat, unable to come out, least she choke on her own words instead.

Ruby was in love with Kanan. She always had been for a long time. That's why she didn't ask for this to stop no matter how wrong she knew it was.

"But you two aren't dating!" Her friends would tell her, but Ruby shrugged it off every time despite the burning in her heart.

It was selfish of her, but Ruby was willing to do anything just to be close to the person she so desperately desired. If sex was all that Kanan wanted, then so be it. Ruby would pleasure Kanan as much as Kanan would ask.

As much as it felt good to climax, it was Ruby's least favorite part of the night. It meant that they would be done, separated for some time again until the next time they decided to spend the night together again.

 _'Maybe it will be different this time...'_ Ruby would think to herself, her small attempt to be hopeful.

Once they were done, Kanan kissed her lips softly and affectionately. That meant something right? It had to mean something.

 _'I love you, Kanan.'_ Ruby desperately wanted to tell her as she kissed Kanan back, but the words would never leave her lips. It would only ruin everything. Maybe if she said it, Kanan be digusted and wouldn't even want to do this with her anymore.

But no. Tonight would be different.

Kanan wrapped her arms around Ruby, pulling her close so their naked bodies were pressed against each other and their legs tangled together so they couldn't part. Kanan would always pull the blankets over then, taking care to make sure that Ruby wouldn't get cold as they slept though the night. Like she always would do, Kanan kissed Ruby's cheeks and forehead before allowing Ruby to rest her head against her chest while she herself would nuzzle into red locks. Her strong arms wrapped around her so protectively, a tight yet gentle grip around her small body which made Ruby feel so warm and protected.

 _'Please don't let me go...'_ Ruby wanted to tell her, but again she was silent.

Maybe tonight was different. This had to mean something. Maybe tonight Kanan would tell her she loved her too-- that all this sex wasn't just for pure pleasure, but because Kanan wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with Kanan.

Tonight would be different.

Ruby was determine to think so, a small smile growing on her lips as she nuzzled Kanan. She inhaled the familiar scent that made her heart beat like a drum. Ruby did a good job today. Kanan had looked so pleased with her. It would work... She would win Kanan over.

Tonight, Kanan was hers.

* * *

  
But of course it was always only for the night.

The next morning, Ruby wasn't greeted by soft kisses on lips or even on the cheek. It was cold. The warmth of Kanan's body had long disappeared from the bed, leaving Ruby alone in the large bed without any of the morning after affection she longed for so much.

The sshhhuushhing sound of water rushing out could be heard in the bathroom, letting her know that Kanan was in the shower. The older girl had probably gone on her morning jog and had just come back home to get ready for school.

Ruby wanted to cry, disappointment setting in. It wasn't different than any other time that they did it. This was the same every day.

She got out of the bed and dressed herself, putting on a clean uniform she had packed with her before coming here then picking up her clothes from last night and tossing them into her duffle bag. She would go to the other bathroom down the hall to freshen up and fix her hair, then returned to get her stuff.

Kanan had just finished taking a shower, probably drying off and changing by now, but Ruby walked out anyway. She never stayed to look Kanan in the eye after what they did.

How could she, knowing she wanted more but Kanan didn't?

* * *

 

"You two did it again, huh? What a naughty little demon." Yoshiko teased her while they sat down in class, waiting for the teacher to show up. Bright red marks decorated Ruby's skin.

"So are you two together yet, zura?" Hanamaru's eyes glowed hopefully, a hand gently placed on Ruby's shoulder.

But Ruby merely smiled at both of them, almost bitterly despite how cute she acted.

"It's just sex." She responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Everyone knew, or at least all their friends knew, what kind of relationship she and Kanan shared. It wasn't a secret afterall.

Yoshiko and Hanamaru knew better though. They knew that Ruby wasn't really happy, but they decided to say nothing. Besides, even if they wanted to, the teacher had stepped in and began the lesson.

* * *

  
Kanan rarely talked to her at school and it was worse on days after they had done something together. Not at practice and not in the club room. Kanan always stuck to Mari and Dia, maybe You and Chika here and there too, but mostly the two older girls. If she made eye contact with those pretty amathyst eyes, Ruby would often look away. Occasionally, Kanan would smile at her and wave a little, maybe say hi. Ruby would wave and fake a smile back, trying to pretend she's okay.

It hurt to look at her. Kanan was smiling, but it wasn't because of her. Why couldn't she be the one standing there beside her, making her smile that bright smile that made Ruby's heart flutter? Why was she only good enough when it was for sex? It is because Ruby made it too easy for Kanan? Because Ruby would never say no?

Ruby walked over to the third years, then reached out to tug at Dia's sleeve. She had the most upset expression on her face, making even Mari and Kanan look concerned though Ruby wouldn't know. Her eyes were only looking at her sister.

"Oneechan... C-can we go home...?" She mumbled, just above a whisper.

"Eh...? Ruby are you okay?" The older Kurosawa placed a hand on Ruby's shoulder, staring Ruby in the eyes.

Ruby stared back, a pleading look hoping that Dia would understand what she needed-- some unspoken sister telepathy that they shared so they knew when something was really bothering the other. But to satisfy Mari and Kanan's concerned looks, Ruby merely muttered. "I don't feel well..."

Message received, Dia nodded her head and turned to say goodbye to her best friends. "Ruby and I are going to head home early then. I don't want her to get sick."

"No no no! We wouldn't want our wittle Wooby to get sick!" Mari gasped dramtically before giving the younger girl a quick hug.

Ruby chuckled softly. "I'll be okay Mari-san..." Then she felt a pat on her head.

"Feel better soon, kay?" Kanan gave her a soft smile that made Ruby's heart melt.

Ruby only nodded then quickly looked away, cheeks flushed pink. Her hand slipped into Dia's, giving it a tight squeeze in an attempt to stop herself from shaking.

The sisters didn't say a word until after their chauffeur dropped them off at home and they were in Dia's room. Only then did Ruby let it out, all the tears she had been holding in all day.

Dia pulled Ruby into her lap and cradled her little sister in her arms. Emeralds stared at the smaller girl, watching carefully without saying a word. She rubbed her back, kissing her forehead and trying to wipe her tears away with her free hand. She then brushed the girl's red bangs away from her face. It hurt her to see her sister like this.

When her hands moved Ruby's hair away, she noticed the red marks covering her skin.

"Kanan-san again, huh...?" Dia asked hesistantly, her voice soft and understanding. Just like everyone else she knew what was going on between the two. She didn't like it. Actually, she was absolutely against it and wished that Ruby would stop doing such lewd things with Kanan, but what kind of sister would she be to dictate Ruby's life. Besides, she knew Ruby was in love with Kanan. All she wanted was for Ruby to be happy, but it didn't seem to be working out.

"I love her, Oneechan... I love Kanan." Ruby cried out loudly, her voice whorse from all the crying. Her little hands gripped onto Dia, the older girl's shirt soaked with her tears. The girl was shaking so bad, even Dia's hugs didn't help one bit.

"I know Ruby... It's okay." Dia tried her best to sooth her, keeping her voice low and quiet. She sighed softly, eyes watching Ruby sadly. It pained her heart to watch Ruby cry so much. This wasn't the first time and this wouldn't be the last. "Ruby... Maybe you should talk to Kanan about this. I don't like seeing you so upset... I could come with you?"

"I can't Oneechan! I can't do that. She'll h-hate me and never want anything to do with me again!" Ruby shook her head and sobbed.

Dia ran her hands through Ruby's hair gently, still trying to calm her. Her grip around Ruby tightened. "No... I don't think that's going to happen... Kanan has been our friend forever..." Dia sighed. "Are you sure you don't want to just stop all this fooling around. You aren't happy Ruby. I'm worried."

Ruby stayed silent besides her sniffling. She knew the right answer but she didn't want that either. "I... I like being with her... Even if its just for a little while."

"Ruby..." She wiped away more tears from her sister's face. Dia didn't know what to say. She wanted to make everything better, take the reins in Ruby's life like she would when they were little, but this wasn't a little booboo after falling off a bike. This was so much more than a bandaid or a kiss could fix.

Ruby hiccuped, shifting her weight so she could sit up more and rest her head against Dia's shoulder, her face hiding at her neck. "I just wished... She loved me as much as I love her..."

"...I know Ruby..." Dia closed her eyes and held Ruby close. "I wish she did too."


	2. She Will Be Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan doesn't know what to do with her feelings, so she sucks up her pride and asks for help. Chika, You, and Riko are more than happy to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More pain. Kanan's turn.

Her heart was beating against her chest.

Sweat dripping down her skin.

Her body felt like it was on fire.

And it wasn't just because of the sex.

No, Kanan felt so much for the smaller girl in her arms. She just wished that she had a better way of expressing it.

Originally her plan was to ask Ruby out, but one thing led to another. They never became an official couple even after how often they were intimate with each other. Kanan had every intention to ask out Ruby on a date...ask her to really be hers..., but after every time they did it together Ruby would avoid her. At this point, Kanan was convinced that sex was all Ruby wanted from her.

It hurt to think that, but if that's what Ruby wanted, then that's what Kanan would give her. Even if her heart longed for more, she would have to learn how to be content with this. She would do anything to at least be close to Ruby, even for a short amount of time.

_'Maybe it will be different tonight... I'll show her how much I love her... And she will really be my girl...'_

Kanan cried out Ruby's name desperately, wanting to say more but only being able to moan her name as they made love to each other-- or at least that's what Kanan wanted to believe it was. Why else would something like this feel this good? It wasn't just sex to her, even if it was to Ruby.

Kanan loved this. The cute moans Ruby would cry out whenever they touched each other. The way Ruby's nails dug into her skin and left marks, red and noticable just like the hickies covering her skin. She loved the way Ruby pulled at her hair and begged her for more. She loved the way Ruby wanted her and no one else. At least for this moment, it was only the two of them. At this moment, Ruby was hers...

She didn't want the night to end, but it would have to after they climaxed. It felt so good, calling out for each other as pleasure took over their senses. It was so rewarding, knowing she was the one who got to make Ruby feel so good. But she didn't want it to end there.

 ~~ _'I love you... I love you Ruby...'_~~  She desperarely wanted to tell the girl who was breathing heavily in her arms trying to catch her breath. No matter how much she wanted to say it, the words were always caught in the back of her throat.

Kanan wasn't known to be a fearful person, yet even the though of slipping those words out of her mouth terrified her. She was scared that if she even muttered those words, Ruby would pull away from her. She was scared to lose the one she loved the most.

So she settled for this, settled with the lustful ventures they would go on whenever one of them felt the need. Instead of being direct, she would do her best to express her love in other ways, in hopes that the message would get across, that Ruby would take a hint and if the younger girl loved her back, would accept her heart.

~~_'Tonight will be different... Please be mine Ruby.'_ ~~

Her only thoughts were on Ruby as they settled into bed. Kanan leaned over and pressed her lips against the other's longingly and full of love. Strawberries. Ruby tasted like strawberries and Kanan was addicted to her taste.

Kanan wrapped her arms around Ruby, pulling the girl closer to her until their naked bodies were pressed against each other. Lips never leaving Ruby's, she rubbed small circles against her back in a relaxing motion. Only when they were out of breath did she pull away, and she took that moment to pull blankets over themselves and kiss her cheeks softly.

~~_'I want to be with you...'_ ~~

She allowed Ruby to rest her head against her chest over her heart like she always did. She thought maybe if Ruby listened to her heartbeat, Ruby would understand that it is beating for her.

She tightened her grip around Ruby a slight, letting her know that she was well protected so long as she were in her arms. Her face nuzzled into the red locks, kissing her head and getting comfortable in this position that they were in. It was so warm and comfortable, all that Kanan ever hoped for. If only Ruby knew how much she loved being this close to her. If only Ruby knew how much she wanted to fall asleep cuddling with her everyday for as long as they shall live. If only Ruby knew...

~~_'Please be mine...'_ ~~

* * *

 

The next morning, Kanan woke up early as she always did. The sun had yet to even rise yet, making the room very dim, but Kanan could still see the sleeping form in her arms.

Her heart skipped a beat and she wondered if Ruby could hear it even in her sleep. A hand slid down, tracing her form as if trying to memorize every inch of her body.

"I love you Ruby..." Kanan managed to say, only because she knew Ruby was a deep sleeper and wouldn't wake up from just that. However, when Ruby shifted in her sleep, Kanan grew fearful that she was wrong. Thankfully when she checked, Ruby was still asleep, but now a smile on her lips and her grip around Kanan much stronger.

Smiling, Kanan leaned forward and stole a soft kiss from Ruby's lips. She was so tempted to stay like this for as long as she could, to cuddle with Ruby until she woke up then smother her in kisses when she did.

But Kanan knew the drill. Ruby wanted to leave without seeing Kanan again in the morning right? That's how it's always been?

"Please be here when I get back? Let's walk to school together..." She mumbled under her breath while cupping the girl's cheek with one hand while the other searched for Ruby's so she could lace them together. It felt so nice, holding Ruby's smaller hand in her own. So warm and soft, just like her. "I... I w-want to hold your hand all the way to school... Just stay here with me, okay?"

Relucantly, she sat up on the edge of the bed. She turned to give Ruby one look before sighing.

_'Please be different today...'_

She put on some clothes so she could go on her morning jog. Usually running would help her relax and clear her thoughts, but the only thing in her mind was to get home before Ruby woke up. Despite that thought, she had to keep to her usual time frame so that Ruby had a chance do as she pleased.

When she got home, she was more than relieved to see Ruby still sleeping on her bed, but she knew Ruby usually left while she was takig a shower.

_'Just a quick one... Maybe she will still be here when I'm done.'_

She told herself and let her mind wander into nicer thoughts of how things would be different soon. Soon Ruby would always be with her in the morning, for morning kisses and cuddles before school. They could have breakfast together and get ready for school. Then they could hold hands on the way there and maybe she could even steal some sweet kisses from Ruby if she got a chance. They could be together, really together, so long as that's what Ruby wanted too.

But when Kanan came out of the shower, she would have to face reality. Disappointment making her heart feel heavy. Just as always, Ruby wasn't there... Her stuff was all gone and the bed was neatly fixed as if no one had slept there in the first place.

Kanan took a deep breath and ran her hand through her wet locks, forcing herself to relax despite the feeling as if she needed to cry. It hurt. Ruby doesn't love her the way she loves Ruby.

* * *

 

"Really Kanan? I would think it's the other way around, no offense... Ruby doesn't seem like that kind of person." You mumbled, scratching the back of her head awkwardly especially after a red faced Kanan glared at her.

"But what else is it then if sex wasn't all she wanted... That's all we ever do and then nothing."

 "You love her Kanan... That's what this is about.

Kanan blushed at the accusation, but she wouldn't deny it. "What does it matter if I do. I won't force anything if she doesn't want anything more with me."

Kanan sighed, leaning against the wall trying to act cool despite being the one who went to them. It has been days since she's seen much of Ruby other than practice. The girl was obviously avoiding her. Even that little rouse of telling Dia she was sick just so she could leave practice early was obvious; she just didn't want to be around Kanan.

She didn't know who to go about this. Afterall, she wasn't really the type of person to vent out her feelings to anyone. If she had a choice, she would have kept this all to herself, but she was beginning to feel hopeless.

Of course her initial thought was to talk to her best friends, but there was no way in hell she was going to talk to Dia about this. Even if they were best friends, she knew Dia's loyalty would always be to her sister. Besides, the older Kurosawa didn't exactly approve of her activities with get younger sister.

Mari might have been a good choice if it weren't for the fact she was a huge blabber mouth. There was a good chance she would let it slip or even worse, blackmail and or tease her about it forever. So no. She wouldn't go to Mari.

Yoshiko and Hanamaru were out if the question. She wasn't exactly close to the two freshman in comparison to how close they were to Ruby. Why wouldn't they, specially Hanamaru, rat her out to their best friend?

The only people she was left with was the second years. She debated about it for a while, especially since You and Chika were in the sub-group with Ruby. She thought maybe to talk to just Riko despite rarely ever talking to the girl. The good thing about that was Riko rarely talked Ruby too. The problem with that was that the second years stuck togeher like glue, so if she wanted to talk to any of them, she would have to talk to all of them.

"You know Ruby better than any of us. I mean, you've known her since you were babies." Chika chimed in with an obvious pout on her lips.

"So? That doesn't change the fact that we just keep having s-sex then poof... She's gone for god knows how long." Kanan groaned in frustration.

"Have you tried talking to her? Maybe this is a misunderstanding." Riko sighed softly, not really sure what to say. She didn't know the two girls that well, but she knew enough to know that this wasn't just about sex.

"I can't... W-what am I supposed to tell her? _Ruby I'm in love with you?_ "

"Yes." Chika grinned. "Say that!"

"I bet Ruby-chan would be very happy!" Riko nodded in agreement.

"No! No no no." Kanan shook her head furiously. "If I do that she's just going to push me away and hate me! She doesn't like me like that guys... She'll hate me."

"Ruby-chan? Hate? Doesn't sound like it belongs in the same sentence." You rose and eyebrow and shook her head.

"I don't think Ruby-chan could ever hate you." Chika made a reassuring smile.

"Think about it Kanan. Ruby is timid and nervous, very skittish and easily flustered... Do you think she would really have sex with you just for kicks and giggles?" You crossed her arms over her chest and smiled as well.

"N-no but..."

"No buts. I'm pretty sure there's more to this than meets the eye." You chuckled, a confident grin growing on her lips.

"Yeah Kanan-chan! I bet Ruby-chan is in love with you too." Chika nodded her head.

Riko did the same. "She might just be too scared to tell you."

Kanan went over the possibility in her head but quickly dismissed the thought before it could cloud her judgement. "No... It c-can't be..."

"Come on Kanan-chan. What do you have to lose?" You insisted, pressing forward. "Worse case senario she distances herself a bit. Best case senario, you have yourself a girlfriend."

"I... I don't want her to distance herself from me though... I want to be close to her." Kanan whimpered, the blush on her face growing. She couldn't believe that she was acting like this to her underclassmen.

"Then make her close to you." You put a hand on Kanan's shoulder. "Take a chance."

Kanan stared straight into You's eyes, then looked over to see Chika then Riko. All of them looked so sure of themselves... Were they really so sure it would work out? After a moment of through, Kanan nodded her head and smiled.

"Okay... I'll do it."

* * *

 

Kanan went through a mental check list as she searched for Ruby in the school hallways the next day. In her arms were the bouquet of Azalea's, Ruby's favorite flowers, a box of chocolate and a fluffy teddy bear to complete the set.

"Cliché..." The second years had snickered at her this morning, casuing her face to light up bright red in embarrassment.

She could have done something else, but this was what she wanted to do, despite how cliché it was. She wanted to be the one who bought Ruby flowers at random times. She wanted to be the one to buy her chocolates to satisfy the girl's sweet tooth. She wanted to give Ruby soft stuff toys to cuddle so she would have something to cuddle if she wasn't there to do so herself.

The chocolate box and teddy bear were in a gift bag while the bouquet was in her hands. This was the perfect way to ask her out in her mind. Ruby always was a hopeless romantic. She would appreciate the cliché.

Once Kanan found Ruby, she hid the presents behind her back. It was kind of hard holding the bouquet and bag behind her at the same time, but she managed to.

"Ruby-chan!" Kanan called out, causing the smaller girl to jump.

"O-oh... Kanan-chan... Hi..." She mumbled nervously, fiddling with her hands a bit. Kanan found this so cute.

"Hey I wanted to talk to you, if that's okay." She smiled so widely, excited for what she was about to say.

"Yeah t-that's fine. I actually n-needed to talk to you too..." Ruby continued to mumble as she looked down at the floor. She didn't look very happy, not one bit.

"H-hey... Are you okay?" Kanan asked worriedly, her expression dropping a bit.

"I'll be okay... Y-you had something you wanted to talk to me about?" Ruby looked up slightly, a frown on her lips. Clearly she as upset.

"No, you can go first. Tell me what's up?" Kanan's concern was growing every second. Her news could wait another minute.

"It's j-just... Hmmm... I'm s-sorry..." Ruby looked like she was about to cry, her eyes getting glossy. "P-please don't be mad."

"W-what? I can't get mad at you..." Kanan used her free hand to reach out and grab Ruby's hand, only to have the girl quickly pull away from her. "Please tell me?"

"Kanan... What you and I have been doing..." Ruby took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment then staring directly into her eyes.

"I don't want to do this anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun

**Author's Note:**

> Ruby gives me heartache.


End file.
